K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Randomize
