Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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