I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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