Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
