And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Randomize
