I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
The adults are the big ones right?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
