sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
