Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize
