I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I wish i was in the wii world.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
