i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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