I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
