omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
