Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
