piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I'm at about main and main street
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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