I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
