i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'm bleeding and have questions
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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