You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I FOUND THE LEGS
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
