Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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