She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
