Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
