I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
