guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
