Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
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