i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
