Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
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