how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
