My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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