Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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