Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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