He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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