Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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