And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
