haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
This is the high leading the old right now
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
