btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize