why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
