phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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