i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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