You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
