Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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