end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
