my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize