Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
