Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
