If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
