Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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