he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
