how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
