You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
