I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
