So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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