Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
