Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
