oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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