You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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