I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
