I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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