I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
