Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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