twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
