yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
