I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Randomize
