I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
