I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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