The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
they need to just BURY HIM!
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
