So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
