so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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