he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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