Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Randomize