I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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