I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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