i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
