Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
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