pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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