ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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