mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize